Do you ever feel like your brain is purposefully trying to trip you up. I feel like that all the time. The worst time for me is when when I'm having a conversation with a woman and I'm completely engaged in what she is saying the out of nowhere my eyes shift to her breasts. Then I think "Oh god I don't want this girl thinking I'm a creep that can't have a conversation without ogling her." Then because I thought that, I can't stop trying not to look like I'm looking at her breasts. So I do all the dumb things like avoid eye contact or try to look at nothing but the eyes. I'm pretty sure that the woman I'm speaking with knows what's going on and It's just as awkward for her as it is for me.
The worst part is I'm a seasoned breast man. I have a fine appreciation for boobs. For me its not about size but proportion/ shape/ weight. So it's safe to say I send a fair amount of time checking out women's blouses, but not all the time. As a seasoned breast man (23 years for those counting), my feelings about breast go far beyond the breast themselves. I like to consider how the breasts relate to the rest of the person's physical attributes, and beyond that how they relate to the person's personality. For me breast are one of the windows to the soul. So sometimes when I'm talking to a girl and I want to actually get to know them and I notice their boobs, I train wreck. What was moments ago a decent conversation I am now trying to end it as satisfying as possible so the girl doesn't think I'm a creep.
This is just the tip of the iceberg that is my psyche which keeps me from having somewhat normal interactions with people around me. All I can say is thank you to the my friends that put up with me and my shit.
I can't win.
Laters,
Dan "The Man"
P.S. "I can't win" feels like it's going to be my mantra on this blog.
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