Duality

Duality-the state or quality of being two or in two parts; dichotomy

Yin & Yang, Heads & Tails, Balance & Movement these are examples of duality. Although I believe there to be a better representation of duality and it lies within the muscle pain reliever IcyHot. Not only are we dealing with opposite ends of the temperature spectrum, Hot & Cold, like the slogan says, "Icy to dull the pain, and hot to relax it away." But there is more going on with IcyHot than simply its use of hot and cold. For you see IcyHot is not merely a pain reliever but also a pain inducer.

For years I have enjoyed IcyHot as an effective cure for muscle pain but recently I discovered that there is too much power contained within its tube to be used simply for good. IcyHot in the wrong hand or in my case sleepy inattentive can be used for evil and the cause of great pain. What follows is one man's harrowing story in the face of a disaster disguised in an over the counter cure.

A few weeks ago I went out to the movies with some friends. I had been walking with a limp because I had injured myself bowling the night before at a friend's bachelor party. When I arrived at the theater I discovered that my movie was being shown in the upstairs theater. Steps in the past few hours had become a real pain, since I was not sure how to properly favor the other leg. I made it up with no problems, just the sight of me awkwardly limping. After the movie was done I had a slight moment of panic when I remembered how much it hurt to walk down the stairs of my apartment. I figured that I would be fine and the way to deal most muscle pain is to simply walk it off. I was wrong because the first step I took down the stair, my leg buckled and slipped out from underneath me. I landed hard, right on my tailbone. It didn't help that I slid all the way down the steps. There was a mother of two with us, her first reaction was one of shock and concern, but true to male fashion I jump right up with an "I'm alright." I was not alright. I turned down a ride home, the ride offered was not because of my now broken butt, but simply because these friends had drove. I declined saying I live to close to the theater to justify a ride. This was a mistake I soon realized. Walking on a bum led and a broken ass made the four and a half block walk seem like Lawrence of Arabia. I got home hoping to find relief by lying down. No every position I found myself in was one of excruciating agony. For about a week the pain continued making work very difficult seeing as how I could only manage to sit for about thirty minutes at a time.

Then one day a friend offered me a tube of IcyHot. Later that night I applied the rub to my tender tailbone. The sensation was normal cool and minty at first then hot yet soothing. I continued to apply the cream about every couple of days until one fateful application. I usually use the IcyHot right before I go to be that way people don't have to deal with me smelling like an old man all day. So I'm in just my underpants (this is important trust me, also sorry for the visual for those that know what I look like.) and I put the IcyHot on my tailbone being careful not to hit the crack of my ass. Then without thinking, probably because I was tired, I went to adjust my balls. Panic hit me like a ton of bricks with the realization of what I had just done. I stood silence hoping that maybe I had gotten all traces of the IcyHot off of my hand. I hadn't. It started with a tingle, a mild discomfort to the sensitive area of my person. I resigned myself to my fate and waited for the burn. It came on hard and fast. The my rad chilies were on fire. The stinging heat felt as though I voluntarily dipped my balls in acid. I cursed God, then myself for being so stupid. I writhed in pain for the next hour as the heat rub ran its course. I tried to focus my mind elsewhere but the pain was too intense. I wished I could rust rip my dick and balls off but my desire to have sex again kept my head cool. Eventually the sensation wore off and I was able to fall asleep. But I will be forever scarred with the memory off my burning balls.

Duality- the state of or quality of being two or in two parts; dichotomy.

I can't win

Laters,

Dan "The Man"