NEW DANTASTIC PRODUCTS!!!

Just in time for Christmas, we at DanCo. would like to introduce our new (and by new I mean these were made up months and in some cases years ago.) line of games perfect for office or apartment fun!

*A Note: Not all of these games we're invented by me but was in on the ground floor.

1. "Does Dan Have This?"

The point of this game is to get something you want from me. If you don't know me I guess you could play it with someone you know named "Dan" but trust me its not the same. Here's how you play.

First walk up to me and ask, "Hey Dan are you ready to play the the fantastic exciting game Does Dan Have This?"

I will then respond "Yes!" because I love to play "Does Dan Have This?"

You then ask me a series of three questions in the form of, "Does Dan have..." The first two questions are things you know I have and that I will respond yes to. The third question is something you hope I have and that you need. You win by getting three yeses in a row. Here's an example of a common game.

"Does Dan have cool Buddy Holly Glasses?" "Yes."

"Does Dan have a really big movie collection?" "Yes."

"Does Dan have some duct tape?" "Yes."

Congratulations you just won "Does Dan Have This?"

2. Secret Vote

Maximum 2 players. Do you hate having to make tough decisions, tough decisions that sometimes reflect badly on you as a person? Well then why not play a game of "Secret Vote". The next time you and your roommate or co-worker need to have to make a decision like whether to wait for recycling day or just throw your trash in the dumpster, why not play a game of secret vote? All you need to play is two scraps of paper, two pens, and a container to draw out of. You and your friend secretly write down your answer to the question on the piece of paper then place it in you ballot container. Mix up the pieces of paper to ensure complete randomness. Once the votes are thoroughly mixed up, drawn them out one at time and read the answer out loud. You win when you have a unanimous vote.

3. Find The Pig!

This is seriously my favorite game to play at work but it can easily be adapted for play in the home. The basic premise, hell the only premise is to find the pig. The pig in question here is the toy pig that comes inside a box of those novelty bacon band-aids. It's about the size of a thumb print if not smaller. To play all you need to do is agree upon a designated space in the office or in your home and hide the pig. The pig must be visible to the naked eye. You can't hide it under anything or on top of something out of sight, e.g. you can hide the pig in an open box as long as nothing is covering it. You can also tape it up. There is no points system, the game works in rounds. A round ends when someone finds the pig. The person that found the pig gets to hide it for the next round. Each "Finder" can ask for two clues, but the ability to ask for clues must be agreed upon by the "Hider" before each round begins. We've been playing the same round for at least the past four months. I pretty sure someone found it and never told anyone or it was accidentally thrown away by our cleaning lady, either way it's funny to watch my boss go looking for it in the middle of the day.

Well kiddos that's all for now. Have fun, play safe, and remember if you're going to go out in the rain make sure to wear you rubbers.

Laters,

Dan "The Man"

P.S. "Find The Pig" could easily become it's own religion because when you think anout it aren't we all "looking for the pig*"?

*The Management would like to mention that the pig is utter nonsense and it's not going to play anymore.

Parents And The Lies They Tell

"Yes there is a Santa." The tooth fairy is real." "We love you." Yeah yeah yeah, spare me. I've heard it all before. I wonder if the lies my parents told me when I was growing up turned out for the better or worse.

I don't have any vivid memories about the time I first realized Santa wasn't real. Although now that I'm an adult, or at least it says so on my driver license, I'm really torn as to what I should tell my future children. (A note: If I do have children I will be because I screwed up somewhere along the way.) I enjoy the fun of make-believe as much as any body but there's something about the Santa story that doesn't sit right with me. I don't know if it's the idea of little shit head kids getting toys for free, or the fact that the people doing all the real work get none of the recognition. I don't know. The whole things feels like it should just come to an end. Kids seem to find out earlier and earlier that Santa doesn't exists. So what the harm in letting this little lie go? Sure it doesn't do any harm but it doesn't seems to do much good either.

We're only eighteen days away from Xmas and already I'm sick of it, but that'll change because deep down I love christmas.

Laters,

Dan "The Man"

P.S. Plus when we get rid of Santa, we'll have room for Hanukkah Harry.

*EDIT*

If this blog didn't convince you to get rid of Santa maybe this blog will.

The Times They Are A-Changin

Slavery was abolished in this country yet it still exists today. Although we don't call it slavery anymore, no. Now we just call it an internship.

We shall overcome
We shall overcome
We shall overcome some day

Oh, deep in my heart

I do believe

We shall overcome some day

We'll walk hand in hand
We'll walk hand in hand
We'll walk hand in hand some day

We shall all be free
We shall all be free
We shall all be free some day

We are not afraid
We are not afraid
We are not afraid some day

We are not alone
We are not alone
We are not alone some day

The whole wide world around
The whole wide world around
The whole wide world around some day

We shall overcome
We shall overcome
We shall overcome some day

Laters,

Dan "The Man"

A Man Cannot Stay Silent Forever!

Just outside of the women's bathroom in the office where I work it seriously smells like somebody shit ranch dressing. I mean, how is that even possible? I will not point any fingers but c'mon. When I take a shit, it smells like shit not RANCH DRESSING! I don't know what's worse, the fact that there's someone capable of producing this smell or the fact that I was able to recognized the smell of shitty ranch dressing so quickly.

I'm glad I'm quitting.

Laters,

Dan "The Man"

My Phone Is Dying

Funeral services will be held at the trash can nearest me the second I get a new phone. God speed little guy.

Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince; And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Laters,

Dan "The Man"

Did You Know: Part Two

A lot of the titles for the Three Stooges Movies sound like they could be titles for a line goofy gay pornos. I'm not making any of these up, I swear.

Hello Pop!
Plane Nuts
Meet The Baron
Hollywood On Parade
Hollywood Party
Turn Back The Clock
Women Haters
Punch Drunks
Men In Black
Three Little Pigskins
Horses' Collars
Restless Knights
Pop Goes The Easel
Pardon My Scotch
Three Little Beers
Ants In The Pantry
Half Shot Shooters
A Pain In The Pullman
Whoops, I'm An Indian!
Slippery Silks
Grips, Grunts And Groans
Back To The Woods
Playing The Ponies
Wee Wee Monsieur
Tassels In The Air
Violet Is The Word For Curly
Three Missing Links
Oily To Bed, Oily To Rise
Rockin' Thru The Rockies
A Plumbing We Will Go
Nutty But Nice
How High Is Up?
From Nurse To Worse
No Census, No Feeling
Some More Of Samoa
Cactus Make Perfect
Sock-A-Bye Baby
Back From The Front
A Gem Of A Jam
Idiots Deluxe
If A Body Meets A Body
Beer Barrel Polecats
Three Lone Wolves
Hold That Lion!
Pardon My Clutch
Crime On Their Hands
Who Done It?
Hokus Pokus
Dunked In The Deep
Punchy Cowpunchers
Dopey Dicks
Love At First Bite
Three Hams On Rye
The Tooth Will Out
Cuckoo On A Choo Choo
Up In Daisy Penthouse
Booty And The Beast
Tricky Dicks
Pardon My Backfire
Musty Musketeers
Shot In The Frontier
Fling In The Ring
Stone Age Romeos
Hot Stuff
Commotion On The Ocean
Muscle Up A Little Closer
Horsing Around
Guns A Poppin!
Pies And Guys
Oils Well That Ends Well

So... Yeah

Laters,

Dan "The Man"

Did You Know

Clint Eastwood movies make great names for the penis. It's true, here are some examples:

Unforgiven
Blood Work
Fist Full Of Dollars
Million Dollar Baby
Pink Cadillac
Absolute Power
Pale Rider
Heartbreak Ridge
City Heat
Sudden Impact
Bronco Billy
Firefox
Honkytonk Man
Any Which Way You Can
Any Which Way But Loose
The Guantlet
The Enforcer
The Beguiled
Dirty Harry
The Eiger Sanction
Thunderbolt And Lightfoot
Breezy
Magnum Force
Two Mules For Sister Sara
Paint Your Wagon
Coogan's Bluff
The Magnificent Stranger
Where Eagles Dare
Francis In The Navy
The Rookie
White Hunter Black Heart
Tightrope
The Outlaw Josey Wales

This game works best with movies Clint has starred in, not his directorial efforts. Think about it, "Changeling" just sounds unsettling, on the other hand so does "Blood Work". So... yeah.

Laters,

Dan "The Man"