Now I know for a fact that anyone who has ever spent a least 35 seconds on the internet has seen porn in some form or another, be it low res jpegs of girls flashing a camera phone or high quality streaming full length videos. So basically, what I'm saying should not be totally lost on you. Porn is basically the easiest money maker on the planet more so than energy services, auto manufacturers, communications services the list goes on. The simple fact of the matter is people are going to pay to see people fuck. There are some websites out there that charge around $30 a month sometimes more for access. Now that's about as much as people are paying for the internet service that provides them with the ability to buy porn. Don't even get me started on what is cost to buy a single video or dvd in a store, $30 and up. That kind of markup is insane, especially when you consider what the average cost to produce and distribute a single movie is.
The following is a list of a few simple suggestions for the pornography industry to help clean up their act and hopefully give a little back to the consumers that help buy them all those private jets they love to ride in.
1. Get rid of the creepy ugly guy.
You know the one I mean. The guy with uncomfortably too much body hair and the sleazy attitude. I do not share this man's joy about getting to rail the dumb blonde they convinced $50 is good money to appear in a porno. Yes these men are well endowed but that should not be the only requirement for appearing in an adult film. Also porno get rid of the scumbags that are not necessarily ugly but sure are creepy. The dudes that seem to have never left the frat-house mentality behind. It's hard to enjoy two people boning while the guy is douchely high-fiving every other dude within arms reach. If your objective as a porno is to help the viewer project themselves into the scene, do you really think its beneficial to have your subject be so uncomfortable to watch that the viewer has to contemplate weather or not stop their current jerk session and just read a random Wikipedia article instead?
2. Is it that hard to to add a little production value?
I speak of the pornos that are filmed on a cheap video camera in some nasty home or apartment. It's clear that has been no attempt to even make the room presentable. A dirty couch or bare mattress are not really preferable spots to watch people do ultimate hugs. This is the kind of environment that crack addicts fuck in. This may just be me but I find the idea of banging in a crack den to be one of the more unsettling ideas I can think of. Which brings me to my next point...
3. Don't hire "Actors" or "Fuck Dummies" that are clearly doing this for drug money.
This mostly applies to the girls that do porn. Its just sad to watch the vacant expression on on their face as they pretend to enjoy their current predicament. These girls obviously are the girls that didn't graduate high school because they were to busy banging all the other losers that couldn't make it to class. These people should be attending a poorly funded community college as they try to get their life back together. When looking to pop one off its depressing to think that this persons life may very well be over six months after the scene was taped. These girls aren't going to become stars, they know it, you know it, I know it. Let's let these kids get a chance at a life before they completely fuck things up for themselves. Porno, you're on the verge of going legit its time to act like it, that includes your fuck dummies.
4. The "I can't believe this shit is happening" guy is not very believable.
I don't buy it. Sorry, I don't. As a guy in porn, you work in an industry where getting your dick sucked is not only expected but enforced. Don't act like this shit never happens or you can't believe how far the person is willing to go. Porno pays buy the perversion sir. When you do this you not only insult my intelligence but your own as well. You're also treading into that "creepy guy" territory. Its not becoming of a person with your skill set.
5. Porn stars need better tastes.
Have you seen these people's Myspace pages. For the most part they share the same interest as the people that follow and participate in backyard wrestling. Thats putting my spank session within six degrees of a meth lab and the Insane Clown Posse. No thank you.
6. Its time for Ron Jeremy to retire.
Sorry but my dick is scared of running across this guy. See request 1-5.
Thank you porno for taking the time to consider my proposals. Let me know how these work for you.
Laters,
Dan "The Man"
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